How to Make Orphans

Gender and the roles and functions thereof are among the most chaotic children of our generation. The tragic fallacy of our era is not recognizing how important that is. But the whole notion is new to us, though it's been coming on since turn of the century Suffragettes (and not this century either). So it's high time we thought long and hard, as it affects everbuddy down to the very souls of our shoes.

How do I know this like the trees do (per the Buffy Sainte Marie song). Well, the thing about empirical evidence - you can see it to believe it. It's been about 25K years since we became hunter gatherers, give or take an era. Typical family groups consisted of a man, who's a forager; and a woman, who's a home-maker. Which is a logical plan due to the male being larger, and thus better able to hunt, kill, and drag it on home.

I won't bother to argue any attributes besides physical size, because things like aggression and athletic prowess might develop in the course of hunting (over the millennia). But the difference in male/female size was a likely precursor in determining domestic roles. And looking at these roles since Adam and Eve, they appear reasonable. But we have to look closer to see if it's true.

I know of this from directly observing those who raised me, which was my grandparents. My grandfather, Will, was a big strong fellow who homesteaded the Canadian wilderness. His wife Kay was like a mythical earth-mother who raised sons and grandchildren alike. They were the stuff legends are made of. But the importance of their roles might surprise and humiliate you. The essential part of the family is the children. By definition. Without children the family ceases to exist beyond its current state. (Duh...would be in order here.)

And the crucial care-giver, the one who raises the children, is the mother, the female. Again, that's obvious by observation. So the key is this - it is an immeasurable tragedy to assume that the most critical of all functions can be provided by nurseries, day care, and baby-sitters. Like - only the really stupid could believe that. 

I'll relay a parable. When I'se six or so, I spent the summer with cousins at their lake house. These sun-darkened kids and me with my fair Swedish skin. So after one amazing day in the sun and water and sand - in the evening after supper, my all-over sunburn became so unbearable I cried while my aunt tried to soothe and comfort me. But I implored her "I want my Grandma." And much later felt so foolish, realizing that she was my cousins' grandma too. I only lived with her cuz my mom had left us when I was a toddler. 

The point being, if raising the children is the critical function of family (in a way the whole point of family) then why in the name of holy fuck would you ever trust that to a stranger. Imagine coming home to find the kids have taken on the mores and habits of the nanny. Are those better or worse than yours. Idk, one thing certain - they're not yours. Your progeny talk like the nanny, act like her, even think like her. For all intents and purposes, they're her kids. The only thing you can be sure of - you fucked up - you let someone else raise your family.

While the howling protesters insist, demand, near riot - women have the absolute right to define themselves by their pursuits, same as a man. Goddamn it all to fucking hell. No doubt. Nothing's more important than self-defining your existence. Just repeat that - every moment you're scared and alone as a child while mum and dad are out self-defining. It's more important than you. Keep repeating it. Like bahaahaa, bleating while you follow the lead sheep over the cliff. 

Wrote a song 'bout my friend the actress who went to New York to pursue her career:

   you want to be your own child, you want to raise your self and have everything, 
   you want to be your own project, why don't you give it away to your children, why
   don't you make them your child, why don't your raise them and give them everything, 
   what makes you think you are better than they are.